one of these days...

.....i should really see a therapist.

The past few nights, it seems like everything has been haunting me. Past, present, future... everything is in disarray. The past keeps re-surfacing & haunting my life on a daily basis- little reminders of things i've been trying to forget, or at least lessen my focus on. The present situation i'm in has left me, yet again, an emotional wreck because i keep trying to do the right thing, while trying to move ahead. The future seems to stick it's big, accusing finger at me every day, because i have no idea what it holds for me. I haven't slept in 3 days- i've only managed to squeak in an hour or two a night before i wake up, where i'm confronted with thoughts so deafening, it's like opening Pandora's box.

I thought taking a step forward in my life would be, at least, a little easier than this. I thought that i would at least find some solace in some new things, keep my self pre-occupied by focusing on what needs to happen. I'm surrounded by people who are always here for me, but it's just not the perfect outlet i need, i guess.




I miss having someone who really loved me the same way i loved them... so i didn't have days and nights like this...