3-31-09

1) Anoop- Caught Up- 1-866-43657-01- The beginning was quite good, but the rest, meh.

2) Megan- Turn Your Life Down Low- 1-866-43657-02- You best be leaving this week. Gah, you looked and sounded like such a mess this week.

3) Danny- What Hurts the Most- 1-866-43657-03- You sang your heart out, and I have mad love for you. :)

4) Allison- Don't Speak- 1-866-43657-04- Meh, I'm not sure how I feel about you. I've liked you more previous weeks, but good job.

5) Scott- Just the Way You Are- 1-866-43657-05- Excellent job! You rocked that piano! <3

6) Matt- You Found Me- 1-866-43657-06- I still really like you, but what happened to you?

7) Lil- I Surrender- 1-866-43657-07- You can sing, no doubt about it, but I miss how amazing you used to be. I guess I miss Lil. Come on now, girlfriend! Your children are beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

8) Adam- Play That Funky Music- 1-866-43657-08- How the Hell do you hit all those crazy, insane notes? My gosh! Go Adam, I don't know what else to say. By the way, you also always have the hottest people sitting in the audience for you. Please hook me up with them. That is all :)

9) Kris- Ain't No Sunshine- 1-866-43657-09- You, Mr, have stolen my heart. Wow! In my opinion, the best of the night. Amazing, amazing, amazing!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I'm so sick of overthinking.

Oh, yeah, and I kind of just happened to buy a new car today.
Wtf was I thinking?
That I'm not sure of at the moment.

don't bother.

I'm sitting here crying
because no one understands
and I'm slowly
slipping
away.

AI. <3 In My Opinion

Matt- Let's Get It ON. Okay, he was wonderful to me. I'd so get it on with him. That's all I'm saying. 1-866-43657-01

Kris- How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By YOU- 1) He is so attractive, my goodness. 2) I want to be loved by him. 3) He's adorable, and he was amazing. So good! 1-866-43657-02

Scott- You Can't Hurry LOVE- "I'm waiting for that person that's the perfect fit." So cute! So true! Crazy piano playingggg!! 1-866-43657-03

Megan- For Once In My LIFE- "You are so different." Get a life, not a fan, sorry. I think you needed to be gone weeks ago. You were beyond awful tonight. Don't vote for her, please, but if you must...1-866-43657-04

Anoop- Ooo, Baby, BABY- I like him, I don't love him, but he's good. 1-866-43657-05

Michael- Ain't Too Proud To BEG- I never really liked him until tonight. He had fun with it, and it showed. :) 1-866-43657-06

Lil- Heat WAVE- She's superb. It's true. She looked beautiful too. 1-866-43657-07

Adam- The Tracks Of My TEARS- HOLY HIGH NOTE! Way to go! He was brilliant. 1-866-43657-08

Danny- Get READY- I absolutely LOVED it! I'm ready! Come, Danny, Come! 1-866-43657-09

Allison- Papa Was A Rolling STONE- Where in the world did that performance come from? WOW! 1-866-43657-10

hang on, hang on.

See this girl - she's gonna do great things.
she may be from a small country town,
but she belongs in Hollywood

just let me go.

and sometimes it`s amazing -
how every girl has that one guy,
that could call her up, let it be three in the morning, and
say "lets hang out, i`m coming to get you"
put aside her shock, her excitement, her anger or her [hate] for him..
she`d give him only four words.. "Give me ten minutes"

wow, true

watching two people falling out of love;
is like watching a car crash in slow motion.

the wonder of it all

You're looking quite sharp, sugar.
You've got some teeth on that stare.
You've got them tattered blue jeans on.
You've done that thing with your hair.
This bed could use a secret and these pounding hearts could keep it.
If you could, then I could, I swear.

a day

It hit me all at once.
The pain.
The anguish.
The horror.
The hatred.
Most people cry, I couldn't.
Most people break down, I wouldn't.
I did the only thing I knew how to do, I shut myself down completely.
And in that moment I reached my ultimate goal; I didn't feel a thing.
That moment I stopped living

Impossible

Impossible is not a fact, it's an opinion.
Impossible is not a declaration, it's a dare.
Impossible is temporary.
Impossible is potential.
Impossible is nothing.

The mic hits the floor...

Oh, Oh The memories we have.
Framed in our mind like photographs.
Take a second, Take a second and make this last.
Heres where the future meets the past.

<3 <3

It took time for her to figure out she could run,
but afterwards, babe she was long gone.

It's About TIme!

You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was
my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with
you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself.
For years! It's over. This - this twisted, toxic thing between us,
is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you!
I've got a life to start living. And you're not going to be in it.

Sometimes you just need someone.

Sometimes you just need someone, someone to make you smile when you're sad, someone to tell you you're beautiful, someone to look forward to seeing you everyday, someone to call you every night, someone to say I love you and mean it. Sometimes you just need someone.

Bombs.

I wonder whether the things that kill you
were not only the crashes and explosions.
But the bombs buried deep inside.
The bombs ticking quietly in your heart, year after year.
That you yourself have swallowed, and allowed to grow.

i always, and forever will.

When I woke up I couldn’t know, by one o clock I’d be alone.
In a few years I’m sure I’ll find it funny, in all honesty, I never saw it coming.
It’s that time again, where we can't just be friends.
I’ll miss the way you kiss, the feel of your fingertips tonight.

oh, oh

That night you took away a little more than just my breath, I swear that I was thinking about the summer or the words that I wrote on the walls that saved my life. I don’t care if I will never be the same, but everything just keeps reminding me of winter. Like the drive that I took on the night I lost my mind.

So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone. And how your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow. But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself, it is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope. That is why I'm singing.

I saw you for the first time in a while and awkward thoughts brought awkward smiles and I left your room for the very last time and I know that I can't sleep with all of these things, they're running through my head.

Who was I kidding baby? This wasn't meant to be. I needed a believer and you needed to believe. Just don't tell me this doesn't mean the world, because my ears would bleed and my heart would hit the floor.

Garden State

You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day.
One day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

Boy Meets World

Cory: It just sucks, you know?
Shawn: What, to know its over?
Cory: No, to be the only one in the world who knows its not.

The Wonder Years

Sometimes to keep growing together, you have to grow apart. If you're lucky you can get a second chance with the one you love. Sometimes luck isn't enough. Love can kill you, it can tear you apart. But it can bring you back together.

:/

Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation.
One more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever?
If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days.
And none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.

surelyy

I'm tired.
Cynical and broken, but wiser.
Heavy with a sense of resentment,
but I used to be so much different,
I used to have so much faith
when I started.
You knew that I always meant it.
I knew I could make a difference.

pleasee

I saw him staring at me- not glancing, but blatantly staring.
And I wondered if he was staring at the wreckage
he had created. And in that moment I just wanted him to
push me hard against a wall and kiss me.
I didn't want to think anymore. I didn't want to question it.
I just wanted to feel it.
Sometimes that's all we need -is just to feel it.

ohhh, say what you want about me.

In life, we do things.
Some we wish we had never done, some we wish
we could replay a million times in our heads, but they
all make us who we are. And in the end, those experiences
shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of
them, we wouldn't be at the exact place that we are today.
So just live. Make mistakes, and have wonderful times but never ever
second guess who you are, where you have been,
and most importantly,
where is is that you are going.

crazyyyyyy <3

For once,



I think




I actually

believe in

love again.

March 16, 2009

Okay,

so my head is throbbing,
my ears are ringing,
my heart is still racing,
and my throat is killing.


BUTTT,


because of Nick, and the $600 VIP Toxic Experience, I met Britney! :)


To be continued once I get pictures uploaded and whatnot.

Goodnight <3

AHHHHHHH!!!!!! <3

I JUST GOT MY SCORES BACK, 4 WEEKS LATE, BUTTTTTTTT I PASSSSEEEDDDD!!! ALL OF MY SECTIONS, AND I WILL BE GRADUATING IN MAYYYY! GLORIOUS DAYYYY! <3

i'd be lying if i said i didn't miss you

we sat in your car on that chilly fall night,
talking about how much i've grown up,
and how much you've lost yourself.

Today..

Today I learned that everyone has their own color red, but not everyone has their own color orange.

I learned that cheeseburgers, iced coffee, incident reports, housekeeping, etc, kinda, sorta, are the little things in life, that make us laugh.


Short story...so yesterday, there was this lady that I "waited" on, and she got all this stuff and whatnot, and she pretty much got my whole life story, and I got hers. Well, she came back today, with one of her daughters that she had told me about yesterday. She found me and said "hey hunny, this is who I want you to be like someday." She was referring to me, and she was dead serious. She said "when you grow up, I want you to be just like her. She should be your role model." I didn't know this lady, I still don't know anything other than her name, but she made my heart a bit happier just by being in my life for a couple days.

That's it for now. I just had to blog about it.

I wish I could put this in a note on facebook, but it's much too deep.

Now that summer's over, we'll wonder what to do. We'll finish our last nights in your car, just like we always do. I'll hold you closer and tell you I love you but it won't matter in the end. It's obvious you're leaving soon just another heart to mend. So, what happens once you lose control? When the future has to start. What happens when you're still in love but time rips you apart. Is there ever an answer for when love is not enough?

Truth Be Told.

90% of the time I'm a fake, but I promise the other 10% is really beautiful.

cbd

He and I had something beautiful,
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last.
I loved him so but I let him go,
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back.

this time it's different <3

You kissed me, soft; it was quick, kind of like a habit.
You know, like we'd do it everyday for the rest of our lives.

info

Slow way down
This break down's eating me alive
And I'm tired
This fire's fighting to survive.

We're pulling apart,
and coming together again, and again
We're growing apart, but we pull it together,
pull it together, together again
Don't let me go...

isn't that the truth?

People have to face regrets. Becoming mature means learning to accept what you cannot change, facing unresolved sorrows and learning to love life as it really happens, not as you would have it happen. When someone attaches unkindness to criticism, she's angry. Angry people need to criticize as an outlet for their anger. That's why you must reject unkind criticism. Unkind criticism is never part of a meaningful critique of you. Its purpose is not to teach or to help, its purpose is to punish. Life isn't supposed to be an all or nothing battle between misery and bliss. Life isn't supposed to be a battle at all. And when it comes to happiness, well, sometimes life is just okay, sometimes it's comfortable, sometimes wonderful, sometimes boring, sometimes unpleasant. When your day's not perfect, it's not a failure or a terrible loss. It's just another day.

Ashes

If I said I want you back I'd be a liar. There's nothing left of us to long for any more. But inside the ashes burns an endless fire. And every night I can't help reaching out for more.

keep

Tell me I'm beautiful, fulfill me.

Keep us from saying anything can't separate from everything. And all this really means is you're one in a crowd and you're paranoid of every sound. Another friend you won't miss anyhow.

Another disappointment, another chance missed. Nothing's new, nothing's changing. The emptiness won't be filled anytime soon and the negative feelings continue to grow.

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand.

Love scares me, especially love like this. Love that's so real it hurts, love that feels so good and alive. But I know at any moment you can take it away.. and you will take it away.

slight rant

Here's to all those girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, I only want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves and misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute.Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if". This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, and their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like crap, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. This is for those girls, who fell back in love with a guy, only to get hurt all over again.

So I wonder.

Do you ever wonder? I mean, about
us. What happened? It was almost
as if our relationship was a piece
of paper, crumpled up and thrown
away. Forgotten. What might have
happened if we didnt crumple it up
and throw it away. Maybe we would
still be together. Maybe not. Or
maybe secretly we havent thrown it
away yet. We're saving it because
we're hoping maybe someday we can
pull it out of our pockets and
rekindle what we once had. Or maybe
its not even that we want it back.
Maybe its just that we dont want to
lose what we had, but at the same
time, we already know its lost. I
wonder that a lot, and I wonder if
you wonder sometimes too.

I'd like to...

I'd like to tell today's youth that no matter where life takes you - big cities, small towns, you'll inevitably come across small minded people who think they're better than you. People who think material things or being prettier or popular automatically makes you a better human being. I'd like to tell today's youth that none of these things matter unless you have strength of character & integrity & if you're lucky enough to have any of these things... don't ever sell out. So when you meet a person for the first time, don't judge them by their situation in life because who knows, that person might just end up being your best friend.

Life Changes

Life changes. You get it all lined up just the way you like it and then something beyond your control comes along and bumps you off center. How nice it would be if you could get everything just the way you want it and say, 'Okay, now, stay.' But nothing stays the same. You grow up, make friends, lose friends, go to college, lose track of people, meet new ones, and sometimes you ask yourself why. But all I can tell you is the every single experience you go through like this changed you in some way. Every new person who comes into your life changes you. Every moral dilemma or emotional experience you come up against changes you. It's your job you decide how. That's how character is developed.

The only Wildcard that stole my <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrnG4x8WaqA&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWY1Hay031U&feature=related





always and forever.

would it?

Would it be so wrong to try to make him happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, would it be so very wrong?

the slightest idea

At night when the show is through and most people are asleep,
we travel the highways. Usually I sleep too, but some nights I sit
shotgun, rarely having the slightest idea where I am. You'd think
by now I'd know the lay of this great land, but I prefer the not
knowing. It's like I'm constantly stealing away, leaving the past
in some unknown city, leaning forward, hope stretching out on the
dark horizon. Yes, you can get lost out here, and sometimes I do.
In all honesty, this life I've chosen has stranded me more times
than I care to admit. But it's that push and pull; the moment
where all is forgotten and a stage is pure music. That's why
we do this. That's why my home is people, not places.

I feel bad for you

It's like one minute you're fine, and the next minute something happens that makes you think and then you're totally empty. The only thoughts that are in your head are negative and it makes you feel totally alone, like you don't mean anything to anyone. All you want to do is tell someone how you feel, but you don't want their pity, and even if you could tell someone, nothing would come out right. You don't want to laugh or smile, or whine, or argue, or even be stubborn or difficult, you just want to go to bed and cry and hope the feeling passes, and sometimes it does, but it always seems to come back. You think that all your friends hate you and only talk to you because they feel bad for you. You know complete strangers judge you just because of how you look and how you act, and when you think about how you're not as beautiful as the crowd that surrounds you, it makes you feel even worse. And of the two people that are supposed to love you the most in the world, one left you, and the other has to scream at you sometimes because they get angry and upset too. You feel like you will probably search your whole life for that one person that you can totally trust that you can love forever, who will never ever hurt you, but you know somewhere deep down that you'll probably never find him. He probably doesn't even exist, so you just give up, you want so desperately to be alone, but at the same time you fear it so much. You know how it feels to know that you're a bad person, to let your friends down and be selfish, isolated, self conscious, bitter, whiny, and obsessive. You listen to what everyone else has to say, but you never tell them how YOU feel, because that would mean revealing part of yourself, and you just can't do that; you can't let anyone really know you. And your opinion wouldn't matter to them anyway, and most of all if you took the time to sit down and try to get all your feelings out for the first time in your life, it would be completely overwhelming and if anyone ever listened to all of that, they would understand why you are the way you are.

Love Will Find You

It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you," 3 minutes to explain it, 3 hours to demonstrate it, 3 days to appreciate it, & a lifetime to prove it. The hardest part in loving is when you can only view the person you love from a distance & not being able to hold his hand, embrace him tight, & tell him how much you love him, because to him, you're only his friend. Watching you from a distance, afraid to get too close, hoping that you'd realize who loved you the most. But unless you open your eyes to the one who's always there, you'll never realize that I'm the one who cares. The test of true love is having all the things go wrong but still having a special way to love despite all the wrong things that may happen. Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect person." Its about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be. Love until it hurts, and when it hurts, love some more. And when it hurts some more, love even more, and when it hurts even more, love until it hurts no more. Love is the extremely difficult realization that someone other than oneself is real. You can't make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to the person to realize your worth. Love is a commitment, not a feeling. Romance is not love. If I love you because you're beautiful, that's romance. But if you're beautiful because I love you, that's love. Never take love for granted because the best thing in this world is knowing that you are loved. So if you have someone special, hold that person close to your heart. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us more than we can. When we are in love, we often doubt that which we most believe. Love knows no reason, love knows no lies. Love defies all reasons, love has no eyes. But love is not blind, love sees but does not mind. What lips hide, the eyes reveal. People say "I love you" just for the sake of saying it, some just for pity, & some because they promised. When you think real hard, the people who find it so hard to say are usually the ones who mean it. Love is everything its cracked up to be. Its worth waiting for, worth being brave for, and you know what? If you don't risk anything, you risk even more. What is love? Those who don't like it call it a responsibility, those who play with it call it a game, those who don't have it call it a dream, those who love call it a destiny. In times of darkness, love sees. In times of silence, love hears. In times of doubt, love hopes. In times of sorrow, love heals. And in all times, love starts within yourself. Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized. But in the end always found with no regrets, forever valued, kept and treasured. Whenever, wherever, if you are meant to be for each other, love will be there. You don't need to search for love, love will find you.

it is you

To those of you who have pushed me - thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have fallen.
To those of you who laughed at me - thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have cried.
To those of you who just couldn't love me - thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have known what real love is.
To those of you who hurt my feelings - thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have felt them.
To those of you who left me lonely - thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have discovered myself.
But it is to those of you who thought I couldn't do it,
It is to you I thank the most because without you
I never would have tried.

there must be.

I don’t have a fear of commitment- I have a fear of abandonment.
We all screw things up, I screw things up.
Especially with the people I love.
I get needy, I get moody, I get distant, I want to be too close.
I get confused; I don’t understand all of it.
But I keep pushing because I hope in this thing, the universe,
there’s no way I’m the only person out there who wants something this bad.
If I want it someone else out there must too.

really

There is really nothing you must be.
And there is nothing you must do.
There is nothing you must have.
And there is nothing you must become.
However it helps to understand that fire burns,
and when it rains the earth gets wet.

Beautiful People

The most beautiful people we have known are those
who have known defeat, known suffering, known
struggle, known loss, and have found their way out
of the depths. These persons have an appreciation,
a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills
them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.

Beautiful people do not just happen.

My biggest fear.

My biggest fear? No, it's not spiders or snakes or even clowns. Although I do tend to have nightmares about them. But this fear is so much bigger. Bigger than me or you. The fear of leaving this world without affecting someone's life. Without leaving a memory of me somewhere on this earth. Yeah, that's what I’m afraid of.

I can't

I can't wait to lose you.
Dancing among my realm of dreams...
Shattered by my confines of reality...
Spinning dizzy until I can't decipher what's fantasy or real.
But for some reason as I see you dazed and lost...
I can't bear the thought of living without you.

It's theee

It's the loneliest feeling in the world; to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say, "What's the matter with her?" I know what it feels like. Walking down an empty street, listening to the sound of your own footsteps. Shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked against you. And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something, or if you're just walking away.

it's undeniable

People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to take away all the hurt and all the pain... well I've tried that. I've tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in my smile. And what I've learend is when it hurts this much inside, your heart always has a way of showing it, no matter how many masks you wear.

Missing

Leaking words into the crevices,
between
every second
of every blink
of all the things
we're missing

Waitinggg.

Rewriting fractured fairytales...
Waiting on happily ever after.

Don't fake it.

Do the right thing,
the right way,
for the right reasons,
if you can't
don't fake it.

all heart

The heart has a way of misleading the mind,
But sometimes you just need to listen with you heart.

Semantics

Assimilating,
restructuring,
revamping,
reinventing... rebound?
or distraction?
Sometimes its just a matter of semantics

Simple Things

We spend our time
chasing happiness,
dreams,
jobs,
goals,
striving for improvement,
yet simple things are hard to grasp,
like soap in a tub

i don't...

You wipe the tears from my eye
And you say that all that it takes is a phone call
I cry at the thought of being alone and then
I wonder how long it will take til I'm home again

I don't want anything more
Than to see your face when you open the door

If God...

If God answers your prayers, He's increasing your faith.

If God delays, He's increasing your patience.

If He doesn't answer, He knows you can handle it...

I still need redemption

Some wounds are still left to be healed
some scars are still cut open
Pain is still left somewhere inside
Mistakes are still committed
Lies are still manipulated into truth
Some losses still need redemption

for you

......I dont blame you for anything and I forgive you for everything.......

and I could feel these words are for me I dont have to blame you for anything.

You were right too and I was hurt too.... it wasnt your fault ...nobodys fault.

I understand your position ,you might had your reasons and I had mine....

.

.

.

though the wreckage and the loss is beyond any redemption

but still its ok...with time you learn to live with the scars and wounds

go onnn

I have lost my words
I have lost my thoughts
I have lost the control
heart sinks
pain rises
tears roll down
fears get faces
lies surround
life goes on....

please

You strung me along
Like a tease on prom night
Getting me loose but
Leaving me uptight
Please tell me that
Some of that love was true.

We Are

We're stronger than
Before the strain had broken us
And there is fight in us
I know

That it will take more than
A heavy rain
To silence us
When there's so much for us
I know

Clean Breaks

I believe in clean breaks, I keep the old troubles away

But you're making sure
I was lying when I said

"I can leave,
This behind"

I need you to ruin me
For this, finally,
'Cause it's burying me

Now, I'm in these old knots
Each move keeps me locked away

With each new embrace,
I have tied myself up.

More tightly,
Into you

Oh, but the more I fight
Then the deeper I'm trapped
And I can't break free of this hold that you have

And I crave you more
Under the heat of your touch
And I need your skin

To ruin me
For this wicked town
Where your ghosts are bound
To me

One last sacrifice
Of this ritual escape

I was lying when I said...
"I believe,
in clean breaks"

raindrops

Right now I want to go on a long drive in rain....

nestle down in a cozy seat

listening to soft melodies

forgetting all the sorrows

all the heartaches just disappearing for few moments

smiling

smiling with peace setting in my soul....

open

We are all just waiting for someone to save us.. someone to say they care enough to hold us up when we're falling down. Someone to wipe the tears from our eyes. Someone to notice us when we start to blend in.

You're one of the only things that keeps me strong throughout the day, that keeps me strong when the happiness starts to fade away..

No matter how hard we try to ignore it or try to deny it eventually the lies fall away, whether we like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth-- it hurts. So, we lie.
-Grey's Anatomy

I've learned that goodbyes will always hurt, pictures never replace having been there memories. Good or bad will bring tears and words can never replace feelings. But it's times like these when you have to tell yourself everything's alright.

Don't tell me how life is
Cause I really don't want to know
Don't tell me how this game ends
Cause we'll just see how it goes
3 Doors Down

p e a c e

peaceful for some time just feel safe secure
without any nightmares
no racing heartbeats
no chases
no fears
no shivering
no longing
just peace....

fearrr

there is a sadness in her smile...not the one which was always there but something different this time
there is fear behind her talks
fear of unknown
fear of knowing.....and knowing the reality as much as it can choke and make you go numb after feeling it...
We share souls
Its the fear of fallbacks
tears of longing...


Life is a bittersweet...forcing to accept the present
giving the orders "stay strong or I will crush you..."
Its insanely perfect
everything will be ok..
It will but
the hurt will be there....You can stay strong,be alive,fulfill all your responsibilities but you can't help feel sadness in times of silence..
when there will be darkness of night...
moon will be shining its white light...
and thoughts will set in...
nights when you will be confused
whether to feel happy for the memories
or to have the feeling of missing

Missing will win most of the time
thats the biggest fear..

I am breaking into you

And I feel the pain behind your words
You might have been choosing them in a way not to hurt
and you beautifully hide behind your facade
I know it has been learned over the years
but I see the cracks in it..
I know I am breaking into you
You do continue with your regular talks
and all those little ways of telling how your days have been
but behind it
there are uncertainties
millions of black insecurities
bleak subtle emotions to be taken care of
darkness of fears
but I am breaking through into it
I promise to shine light there
and pull out the real you..

yepp

It's not that I'm afraid anymore- I'm not. It's just that I'm skeptical. I'm skeptical that things are going to be normal again.

Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart.
-postsecret

But today I'm not so strong,
So lay me down with a sad song,
And when it stops then you know I've been,
Gone too long
....
But don't shake me awake,
Don't bend me or I will break,
Come find me somewhere between my dreams,
With the sun on my face
....
I will still feel it later on,
But for now I'd rather be asleep
-Norah Jones

It's funny how random things can trigger a person to tears. I guess you learn to watch for your own warnings- anything from a speeding car, to reminders of death. We all have our limits. There's always that one thing that makes you want to cry, and it's always that one thing that you can't avoid.

I will sleep another day
I don't really need to anyways
What's the point when my dreams are infected
with words you used to say
-The Spill Canvas

soul

Hang out my window and over your head
Stare at your feelings to see where they end
Youre waiting here for someone else to
break you from the inside
Youve been so composed

We all know theres always something tearing you apart
Its always so much longer than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder then you thought
But you dont worry, you dont worry
Cause youve got soul

Youre so heavy, youre so misunderstood
And I spent all my wishes wishing times were good
When I still could
Wait around here for someone else to take me past the good side
Youve been here so longer

We all know theres always something tearing you apart
Its always so much longer than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder then you thought
But you dont worry, you dont worry
Cause darling, youve got so much soul
Darling, youve got so much soul

hollowness

and there are times when you have thought about something so much that there is nothing left to feel for it..you just stare in the hollowness and feel that it exists..it exists very prominently in your life no matter how many smiles you fake,no matter how many tears you hide,no matter how many words you bury away..it exists right there clinging to you like a shadow never leaving never fading...wherever you go wherever you hide away..it exists with you..lingering with you right there..like you are haunted by the demon for your rest of your life..like fear rests in nook and corners of our minds..like the voice in your head..it exists..it camoflauges itself in anger,hatred,pain,hurt,sadness etc but in one form or another it stays there...I dont believe that ignoring it ends it..its like by ignoring it you try to stop for a while and take a breath and then again continue feeling the hollowness

powerless

I'll tell you flat out

It hurts so much to think of this

So from my thoughts I will exclude

The very thing that I hate more than everything is

The way I'm powerless

To dictate my own moods

does it ever end?

I want to know where its all going to lead
will there be any end that will prove it was all worthwhile?

I have questions which have bitter truths as answers
and sometimes we just need to block out the things which trigger us to breakdown

you can't

and one day you are going to be sorry for it
but I am also sure of one thing that the sorry will be for your own self you will never realize what you did to me...
victimize me
hurt me
bruise me
break me
bend me
tear me apart
but in spite of this all you cannot turn me into what you are
you can't even possibly reach to my soul

so true

A passage from "My friend Leonard"-James Frey

I believe that pain and suffering are different things.Pain is a feeling.Suffering is the effect that pain inflicts.If one can endure pain,one can live without suffering.If one can learn to withstand pain,one can withstand anything.If one can learn to control pain,one can learn to control oneself.I have lived a life without control.I have spent twenty-three years destroying myself and everything and everyone around me and I don't want to live that way anymore.I take the pain so that I will never suffer.I take the pain to experience control.

bid you farewell

Never gone from me
If there's one thing I believe (I believe)
I will see you somewhere down the road again

so here i am to bid you farewell

hoping that you reach the light at the end of the tunnel

and get all the redemptions you hoped for

here I will be always and forever praying for your safety

and knowing that distances wont create much difference

million little pieces

Give me something good, I'll destroy it.
Love me, I'll destroy you.
I have never felt deserving of anything in my life. I have never felt as if I were worth the diseased space I occupy.This feeling has inhabited everything I've ever done,seen or had anything do with, and it has infected every relationship I have ever had with everyone I've ever known.

wish i could fake it

Well now I found myself
Wish I was someone else
My hands are stained with love
Wish I could take it away
I hid behind the shell
In time the pain will melt
My heart is stained with love
Wish I could fake it

I gave my life away
There’s nothing left to say
I gave my life away
You take it in your way

You take it in your way

My selfish enemy
Still has the best of me
Empty and feeling numb
Wish I could take it away
I can’t control the need
To weak to not concede
Wish I was deaf and dumb
Wish I could fake it

you win

Its hard to win the battle with your own self
only if I could tear open myself and show you so how it feels being under my skin
how it feels to be a split being
If I make it hard for you it is even harder for myself
It is harder to be what you never imagined to be
sometimes you aren't as strong as you look like
sometimes you are as frail as nobody could ever think
sometimes you win all the battles with the world but lose the one with your own being





I have let my selfish enemy residing in me...win

love the picture

I can't find a wall to pin this to
They're all coming down since I found you
I just want to be where you are tonight I run in the dark looking for some light
And how will we know if we just don't try
We won't ever know

Let me light up the sky
Light it up for you
Let me tell you why
I would die for you
Let me light up the sky
Light it up for you
Let me make this mine
I'll ignite for you

Let me light up the sky
Just for you tonight
Let me help you fly Cause you won't have time To cover your eyes Or get your disguise They won't ask you why And just watch you die

And it's still so hard
To be who you are
So you play this part
And the show goes on
But you come this far With a broken heart Yeah you come this far And you're broken

Let me light up the sky
Light it up for you
Let me tell you why I would die for you
Let me light up the sky (Let me light up the sky)
Light it up for you (Light it up for you)
Let me make this mine (Let me make this mine)
I'll ignite for you (I'll ignite for you)
yellowcard-light up the sky

Won't you spare me?

In your life you seem to have it all
You seem to have control
But deep within your soul
You're losing it
You never took the time
Assume that you're the blame
You think that you're insane
Won't you spare me

lost

I don't know how long this will last
But I will keep on pushing
I've got to make all the time that has passed
Turn into reasons to get me through it

Stand Up

Relations are sometimes like a heavy fragile burden
We need to place them on a side and just sit,watch and let them grow naturally
But most of the time we are just too desperate to carry the burden that we stumble and relations fall...they simply break and fall apart..

Life is so messy
the problems stay always
We just keep on trying different ways to cope up with this thing called life.

HaPpY bIrThDaY cAlEb

I’m wishing you another year
Of laughter, joy and fun,
Surprises, love and happiness,
And when your birthday’s done,I hope you feel deep in your heart,
As your birthdays come and go,
How very much you mean to me,
More than you can know.

don't

Imagine a world without goodbyes.

These cuts are leaving creases.

Trace the scars, to fit the pieces,

to tell your story, you don't need to say a word.