They both told me i had to stop worrying so much, and to relax- i was getting overly-worked up and it was taking it's toll on me. They were right- there's no need to be making myself physically sick over a mental issue. I was stressing myself out... and i knew why. I want to make the most out of my life, and do the best i can. Not just for me, but for those i care about and love.
I don't want to be broke all the time, living paycheck to paycheck and having to worry... i don't want to be stuck in a job where i'm miserable and come home every day, only to take it out on those i love. I don't want to waste precious time i could apply elsewhere.
After a much-needed reflection... i finally calmed down. As i started to relax, i learned more things about myself, and life in general, that i need to pay more attention to.
I've learned that no one is perfect, no one is invincible, and no one has a promised life ahead of them- you control your future, and you are the deciding factor. As much as i would love to kid myself and say that i'm never going to make a mistake or never be wrong, the sad truth is that we're all going to be wrong at one point or another. It's not the end of the world if you're wrong- it's how you make up for it that counts.
I've learned that you need to enjoy the little things in life instead of rushing the big payoffs. Instead of always trying to plan a big date, show off with lots of money, and plan day-long endeavors- sometimes that's the opposite of what matters. Instead of rushing to the big payoff, i need to enjoy the ride and the small things more. Spending the day with the one you love is great- but sometimes, when they take an hour of their busy time to stop and see you- you feel even more special. After working all night, and still finding the push to come see you... that takes deep guts and commitment. Instead of spending hundreds of dollars on a flashy gift, they give you one thing that means the most to you, with little tidbits along the way to elongate the joy.
I've learned that i don't want to live forever. I don't want to be around so long as to see my own mistakes be the end of me... or to see the things i love in life fade away before i'm ready to say goodbye.
I've learned that hard times are obstacles in life that we're all going to encounter, no matter how hard we try- and it takes a strong person to overcome these obstacles. Sometimes hardships can drag out for weeks, months, even years- but it's how a person carries themselves through it, and keeps a level head that matters most. There are people all around us that are willing to lend a helping hand, and only want to see good things happen for you. If something's bothering you, all you need to do is say something, and they'll do there best to help you. The ones that love us most are the ones that will help you see it through to the bitter end, no matter what- and do whatever it takes to help you see it through.
I've learned that life is full of disappointments and times of great joy... it's how you handle it that shapes who you are.
I've learned that sometimes, you need to stop worrying and live life in the moment- and enjoy the ride. Instead of worrying what $10 will mean to you in a week, think of the joy it can bring you now. Instead of worrying about when you'll get married, enjoy holding your significant other's hand now and look in their eyes. Instead of wondering when your last heart beat will... listen to the heartbeat of who you hold close. Don't be afraid to show emotion, emotion is human nature- worry, happiness, nervousness, excitement, insecurity, lust, discontent... it's life. We're all wired to show what's going on in our heads- and if we hide it, we're only fooling ourselves.
I've learned that i need to be more patient, and stop rushing the big payoffs. Instead of taking 15 minutes to paint a painting, take 2 hours and make something you want to be proud of. Instead of pushing and rushing small, simple joys in a relationship, build upon things that will make it long-term. Instead of an hour of pleasure, make it a day of understanding and spiritual growth. Rome wasn't built in a day, you can't eat a cow in a single bite, and you can't build a house with one swing of a hammer.
It's a difficult world in today's society, and things never will get easier for any of us. We surround ourselves with people we love and people we care about, because they are the ones to help push us up to where we want to be. The smallest of supports can provide a world of difference to someone.
So, what have i learned?
Relax, enjoy life in the now, love like you've never felt before, worry less about the future now, and be content with preparing yourself for it when it gets here. Because i don't want to live forever... i just want to live, love, and be happy.
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