Why Do I Even Worry?

Due to aforementioned heartache, I have spent the majority of the day bursting into tears at random intervals. Actually, I have spent much of the past three weeks doing the same and finding any number of things to blame other than the situation which was actually responsible...the situation which I have been suddenly and painfully (but perhaps, thankfully) forced to extricate myself from. And then today, with multiple unrelated events crashing down upon my already unstable little world...It has been a rough month for me, but I am slowly finding clarity and figuring out what lessons to learn. And what to leave behind and what to keep.

So I am trying to explain the best way I know how, and the simplest. "Someone I care about a great deal has hurt me a great deal. Which sometimes happens. And I have to decide whether I want to keep that person in my life and keep myself open to possibly being hurt some more, or lose that person and miss out on all of the wonderful things about this person just so I won't have to hurt anymore."

Because sometimes hurt is part of caring. I don't care what anyone else says. I am willing to accept that loving some people presents painful challenges. And I am often up for those challenges, but not when I am hurt more than I am loved. Unfortunately, it is up to me to decide that, and I am in no position to be making decisions about such things right now. hahaha.

It can be difficult to be in such close proximity with other people while I am trying to work through a significant amount of pain. And the pain does not only spring from current events in my life, but also from all of the residual pain from the past that the present is triggering.